Do you have words of wisdom that you can't live without? Tell us and we will tell all... wisdom@lunchtimelinks.co.uk

- One person can't change the world, but you can change the world for one person. (Kirsty Bennett)
- He sits full hard that has riven breeks! (submitted by Jan Warris)
- Don't pee into the wind! (submitted by Graeme Duncanson)
- There are 10 different kinds of people, those who understand Binary and those who don’t ….(submitted by Karen Gardner)
- Better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. (submitted by Kenton)
- Opportunities are never lost; someone will always take the one you missed. (submitted by Sue Kenworthy)
- Never hand-feed sharks.(submitted by Ross Harrison)
- Don't dry your socks in the toaster.(submitted by Ross Harrison)
- There are two golden rules for life: 1) Never tell people everything... (submitted by Ross Harrison)
- 'All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.'(Gandalf, Lord of the Rings & therefore J. R. R. Tolkien)
- If in doubt, use a bigger hammer.(submitted by David West, Solihull)
- Heaven is where all the interesting people are missing.(submitted by Cheryl Roussel)
- When Shootin' Fish in a barrel, make sure you're not standing in the barrel.(submitted by Andrew Ray)
- A dog can teach a boy many things - fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.(submitted by Geoff Marks, NZ)
- Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.(submitted by Geoff Marks, NZ)
- If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
- The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Failure to prepare is preparing to fail.
- People who say they are perfect have already proven themselves wrong.
- Everyone can do one thing better than everybody else... It's usually reading their own handwriting.
- Death is a once in a lifetime experience.
- If you can't make it good, at least make it look good.
- I have secrets so deep and dark, even I don't know what they are.
- War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
- Put your hand on a hot grill for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Advertising - a judicious mixture of flattery and threats.
- Just because you think you're paranoid, doesn't mean someone isn't following you...
- Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
- We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Grant me patience, but please hurry!
- If something is difficult to find... It's like trying to find a fart in a Jacuzzi.
- You can never get enough of what you don't need to make you happy.
- Things are the way things are only to the people who see them that way.
- If you see a talking doll, check it's back for a small plastic ring. If there is no small plastic ring... RUN!
- If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
- Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.
- A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
- I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
- If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
- I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
- You may only be one person to the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
- The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
- Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
- The difference between reality and fiction? Fiction has to make sense.
- There is no distance on this earth as far away as yesterday.
- A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.
- If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
- A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
- If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.
- If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
- Always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out.
- Happiness is a path, not a destination.
- Seven days without laughter makes one weak.
- Of course there's now a higher percentage of seat belt users. The non-users are slowly being killed off.
- Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
- When you're arguing with a fool, make sure he isn't doing the same thing.
- A cynic is a person who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
- Gravity. It isn't just a good idea. It's the law.
- Nappies and politicians need to be changed... often for the same reasons.
- 67.9% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
- The truth is out there. Anyone know the URL?
- The problem with people who worship themselves is: when they get together, their religions conflict.
- In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example.
- If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
- Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep 'till noon.
- Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.
- Modern medicine still hasn't decided whether it's harder on a middle-aged man to mow the lawn himself or argue to get his teenage son to do it.
- The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
- The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
- God gave us all a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time.
- It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!
- Our planet is the mental institution for the universe.
- Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
- Nothing is as embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.
- Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
- I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
- Psychotics build castles in the sky, neurotics live in them, and psychologists collect the rent.
- Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalise on what comes.
- As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
- Only adults have difficulty with child proof caps.
- Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
- The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.
- The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg.
- If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
- People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
- A real person has two reasons for doing anything... a good reason and the real reason.
- A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
- All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
- Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
- I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called "brightness", but it doesn't work.
- Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot?
- For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like.
- Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
- Money talks... but all mine ever says is good-bye.
- A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
- If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
- If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
- It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
- Death only causes pain to those who don't experience it.
- I laugh in the face of danger, then I hide until it goes away.
- Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
- Alcohol. The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
- 9 out of 10 men prefer large breasts. The other man prefers the 9 men.
- There are three types of people the world does not understand. Madmen, geniuses and people who mumble.
- Friends are like the backbone. If you get rid of them, you cannot stand.
- The truth comes knocking on your door and you say,'Go Away, I'm looking for the truth'. And it goes away. Surprising, really. (supplied by Richard O'Farrell)
- Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
- Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
- A closed mouth gathers no foot.
- If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
- Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
- Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way you are a mile from them and you have their shoes.
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tyre.
- It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
- We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
- Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
- If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink all day.
- There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither of them works.
- Some days you're the fly, some days you're the windscreen.
- Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in you pocket.
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- Dance like no one's watching